Coping skills

I have none.  No good ones anyway.

Three days ago, I suffered a huge loss due to the greed and selfishness of another person.  They tried to make me feel guilty and inferior because I would not allow myself to be taken advantage of in the umpteenth time in my life.

I stood up for myself.  The result of me standing my ground was to have something incredibly precious stripped from me.

I have cried, I have talked it out, and I feel no better.  I have written, but feel no better.  Nothing I have done in an attempt to cope has helped me.  I have been sick, and sleep deprived, have had nightmares, and have become so tense that I’ve had a noticeable limp when I walk.

I have endured headaches that are excruciating because I cannot keep my facial tics in check.  I have hit myself in the chest, paced about, and just gone out to “take a drive” in an effort to clear my head.

I am in pain, physical and emotional.  It disturbs me that it is so much easier to be a bad person than it is to be a good person.  It disturbs me that terrible people are continuously rewarded for their poor conduct, and good pe0ple are so frequently taken advantage of and treated as dirt.

I have worked hard to cut the negativity out of my life, and thus, the person that has hurt me so much is no longer a part of it.  This lends me no solace at all, which honestly makes all the hard work I’ve done feel insignificant.

The wrong that has committed will never be righted in a way that is satisfactory to me.  That is the reality.  I know I am supposed to pick up and move on, and I will try, but the wound is deep, and the pain does manifest itself physically.

I’ll be feeling it for a long, long time.

Flail on,
– Classical Spazz

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~ by ClassicalSpazz on September 30, 2012.

One Response to “Coping skills”

  1. We are all here for you. It really IS hard to stand up for yourself.

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