An open letter to the Gods

Or at least, those who think they are gods.

Dear Mental Health Care “Professionals”,
I am a 26 year old African American female. I have the following diagnoses:
Tourette syndrome
Bi polar disorder type 1
Clinical depression
Mood disorder not otherwise specified
Generalized anxiety disorder
Social phobia not otherwise specified

I understand that these diagnoses are “old” and need to be evaluated (Tourette’s being the exclusion).  What I do not understand is why I am not listened to when I voice concerns about medications, and state to you with undeniable clarity that I have severe sensitivities and reactions to medications.

I have been on the following medications throughout my life (and please note, this may not be a complete list, as I am going by memory, and they are not listed in chronological order):
Wellbutrin XL

I have experienced the following side effects:
Possible seizure activity
Severe vomiting
Extreme Fatigue
Consistent feeling of being “high”
Vertigo/extreme dizziness
Impaired motor functions
Erythema Multiforme
Steven Johnson’s Syndrome

The aforementioned side effects are “not known side effects” for the above listed medications.  You know what?  Doesn’t fucking matter.  They HAPPENED.  Do you know how many times I heard “Well, that’s not supposed to happen” from my healthcare providers back in Wisconsin?  A LOT!  I have had drug sensitivities since I was little, and what is considered the therapeutic dose for the rest of society could put me in the hospital at best and kill me at worst.

When you tell me, dear psychiatrist, that the side effects I mentioned are not known in the drugs I listed for you, what you’re really telling me is that you don’t believe me, and that is a HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM!!  You are not listening to be, and your deplorable sense of pride and ego could lead to my hospitalization or death.

I told a few other people about my reactions to the Wellbutrin (the EM and SJS), a couple of them being healthcare professionals themselves.  One really had no words, and the other literally said “HOLY SHIT!!!”.  A friend of mine asked me why the universe was trying to kill me, and yet another person was absolutely astonished that I had what she termed “the Death Rash”.


Hey doc, you seem to think that this isn’t important, even though I mentioned it to you.  You decided to go ahead and increase my medication dosage without discussing it with me, in light of the fact that you knew that I’ve had such extreme reactions to medication upon dosage increase.  You AGREED that I could stay on a 30 mg dose of the Cymbalta.

Apparently you either forgot (so unacceptable), or you ignored me (contemptible, abhorrent, and BEYOND unacceptable).

This is a huge problem for me.

My entire life I have been a mouse, and refused to stand up for myself.  I am FINALLY angry enough with how life has turned out for me that I am trying to take control of it, and you do NOT get to take that power (or potentially my LIFE) away from my by ignoring me because you seem to think I am not being truthful.  I am working HARD to improve my situation, and the fact that you seem to think you know more than me about my own fucking body than I do when you met me ONCE (and did a piss poor job of listening to me to begin with), really gets my dander up.

When I have my appointment with you tomorrow, you will be getting a fucking earful, because your behavior was not only unprofessional, it was DANGEROUS.  My husband goes to work at night, and if I have a severe allergic reaction and cannot call somebody for help, there is nothing I can do about it.

The above reasons are just some of many more that I am so skeptical of those in the mental healthcare profession, because they seem to think that because they work with people who have psychiatric/psychological issues and disabilities, that their input is worth nothing.  It is not worth nothing.  What I tell you in our sessions could save my damn life.

When you ignore what your patients tell you, you endanger your patient, you endanger other patients, you endanger families, and you endanger your practice.

You are NOT gods, and y’all better learn to fucking listen up, before you kill somebody.

Flail on,
Still super pissed Classical Spazz


~ by ClassicalSpazz on June 12, 2012.

3 Responses to “An open letter to the Gods”

  1. Give them HELL Jackie! Sometimes they just need a good ass chewing! Hell at this rate you may be better off at your vet! Stay tough girl! Anja

  2. Rip this doctor a new one! I sincerely believe the Mental Health doctors to be the most arrogant of the bunch (by passing surgeons by miles), this one needs to be taken down a peg or two.

  3. Jackie, I also suggest that you let the drug makers know of the adverse effect you are experiencing. Contact them directly. By law, they have to look into it even if one person reports it. You can also inform the FDA at

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