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I just arrived home from the National Dog Show in Philadelphia (Oaks, really), and am exhausted. I can admit I don’t really feel like blogging, but know I need to. So I am.
This particular show is stressful, and tiring, as it is benched, meaning that my dog(s) cannot leave their setup during the day unless they are being judged or exercised. It makes for an extremely long weekend, as there are hundreds of spectators that come to view my animal(s) and talk to me. Most of the discussions are enjoyable, but I will admit, come the end of the weekend, I’ve hit my limit, because I’m exhausted, and my body is rebelling.
This weekend, my upper body tics weren’t too bad, thanks to the mild weather, but I did have more trouble with my legs than I would have liked. I showed ok, but within an hour or so after exhibiting, things went haywire. That upsets me. It upsets me largely because people that saw me running with the GSDs just a few minutes prior stare at me like I’m some sort of lunatic, or horrible person faking a disability.
I am not. It’s just the nature of the disorder.
The TS I can deal with just fine, but I don’t have a problem admitting that many times, the judgment of others gets to me. It is very easy to say “It doesn’t matter what other people think!”, but it’s a phrase that really bothers me, because it DOES matter. If it didn’t matter what others thought of us, there would be no reason to interview for jobs, no reason to work hard, no reason to try and make friends. Judgment is constantly being passed between people, because that is how the social structure of humanity works.
I know this, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me at times. I want people to like me, and to know that I am a good and honest person. I understand that people have a very hard time reconciling the fact that they just saw me running, but now I’m stumbling past them like a drunkard. I just wish they could understand that how I am isn’t a mockery of others that cannot walk well, or a way to “get out” of things. It’s just a sad, frustrating part of the tics I have.
Flail on,
– Classical Spazz
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