You do not! REALLY?! NO YOU DON’T!

Yes, I do really have Tourette’s.  No, I’m not faking.  Do you really think it’s fun for me to stand amidst a crowd of strangers while I have a pleasant conversation with a friend, and then wildly flail and yell, only to have people turn and stare at me like I’m nuts?  Tourette’s is one of the very LAST things a person should or would ever try to fake.  You know why?

BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING EXHAUSTING!!!!!

Seriously people, I don’t twitch, rapid blink, and wrinkle my nose because I’m trying to summon something for Major Nelson.  Every time my neck jerks, I am irritating already sore muscles.  Every time I tense my neck, I feel pain in my lower jaw.  Every time I wrinkle my nose or rapid blink, I move closer to a headache.  This is an every day occurrence for me.  It doesn’t even stop when I sleep.  I have a mouth guard that I wear to bed because my tics persist even when I sleep, and I am grinding my teeth flat through constant jaw clenching.  I’ll open my mouth and prove it if you really want me to.

I would challenge ANYBODY to pick a tic for themselves…just one, whether it is vocal or physical, and just randomly yell, or kick, or punch yourself in the gut (yeah, some people have physical tics where they actually DO HARM to themselves), and see how long you last with people staring at you like you’re going to eat their babies.  See how long you last when your neck hurts so badly, you actually can’t turn your head one direction anymore.

It’s hard.  Very hard.

Now imagine how hard it is when your brain tells you that you do not have the option to stop.  How hard it is when somebody you admire very much looks at you and they’re so annoyed that you can’t stop the vocal twinges that you feel down in your bones like they hate you.

The day I was actually diagnosed with Tourette’s was honestly one of the best days of my life, because I finally knew that I WASN’T crazy, or strange, or or or…my brain just felt that my body had to do things when it felt like it.  KNOWING what I had made me feel more in control of myself, even though I can’t control my body all the time.

I won’t pretend it’s not frustrating.  It is…lots of times.  And I do make fun of some of my tics (always will, gotta keep a good humor), but please, when I tell you I actually HAVE Tourette’s, don’t look at me like I’m the world’s biggest liar.

If you do, I’m afraid I’ll have no choice but to drop the room temperature down to 30 degrees, stand next to you, and flail punch you in the arm.

Thank you, and flail on,
– Classical Spazz

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~ by ClassicalSpazz on January 16, 2011.

One Response to “You do not! REALLY?! NO YOU DON’T!”

  1. You know you have me thinking now of that one episode of South Park where Cartman pretends he has Tourette’s so he can get away with swearing, and he does it so much he develops a real tick where he says whatever is actually on his mind (like in Liar Liar).

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